


Only For Now

by pulpphiction



Series: Pining-Verse [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crying Phil, Dan's dealing with stuff, Definitely not romanticising depression because that's evil, Depression, M/M, Melancholy, One Shot, Phil wants to help, Pining, Protective Phil, honestly not really shippy apart from the pining aspect, rather i'm trying to portray it realistically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 22:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20433467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulpphiction/pseuds/pulpphiction
Summary: Dan's dealing with depression and Phil thinks long and hard about what his best friend means to him.





	Only For Now

Dan’s asleep. This occurrence is highly unusual to begin with, as Phil’s typically the one to fall asleep before he can make it to bed. Though the older man figures he shouldn’t be surprised - it’s been a rough day for Dan. His depression had been acting up recently, and today was the worst it’s been all week. Phil hopes that this is the worst it gets. God knows Dan needs a break. 

Phil’s eyes wander to his best friend’s sleeping form, slumped over on the couch, clutching a pillow. The colour is slowly returning to his face, the heaviness of the day having previously drained the peachy tones of flesh. His eyes are closed, lashes dark against pale skin. Beauty marks and freckles dot his face like constellations. Even in his darkest moments, Daniel is beautiful. 

It feels wrong to Phil, though, gazing upon the sleeping, troubled man before him like this. He should be waking him up, giving him a glass of water, and putting him to bed. His beauty is beside the point - Dan needs him right now. The raven-haired man feels a certain heaviness settle over his heart. There’s the pain of knowing there’s not much of anything he can do other than guide Dan along the road to recovery. Even simple observation feels wrong when he knows there’s work to be done. 

Phil reaches out, touching Dan’s shoulder gently in an effort to wake him up. 

“Dan?”

The younger man stirs, tightening his grip on the pillow. “Yeah?” His words are groggy and rather slurred. Phil feels his throat tighten.

“It’s getting late, you should go to bed.”

“Okay.” He still sounds fragile, but not nearly as numb as he did earlier. It’s a good sign - Phil’s thankful. 

“I’ll grab you some water then get you upstairs, okay?”

Dan mumbles in reply, closing his eyes again.

Phil goes out to the kitchen, pouring Dan a glass of water in the dim light of the room. The sky’s pretty tonight, he notices, glancing out the window. Hopefully, it’ll be clear like this when Dan’s able to enjoy it. Phil closes the shades on the kitchen window and heads back out into the living room. The brunette is still on the couch, but he’s sitting instead of curled up. 

“For you,” Phil tells him softly, pressing the cool glass into his friend’s fingers. Their fingertips brush together, and only then can Phil feel how cold Dan’s hands are. He’s usually warm and full of life, but it’s times like these that can put that to the test. He’s not got the energy nor the spirit now, and it breaks Phil’s heart. But there’s still that slight hint of pink returning to Dan’s face, which reinstills hope in his mind that this is the end of it. 

The brunette lets out a light “Thanks,” and Phil nods in reply. He rises and Phil guides him upstairs, keeping a watchful, protective eye on the other man’s stance. The numbness can make Dan a little more vulnerable to being sloppy with his movements, and Phil feels he should be right with him in case anything were to happen.

Right there. Keeping Dan safe physically, even if he can’t pry him out of his mental state. But still, Phil’s got one of Dan’s bases covered so he doesn’t have to worry. He’ll do anything for this man - the one who he shares his life with. The one who he loves endlessly, even if he isn’t sure what kind of love it might be yet. 

Dan’s getting dressed for bed now, behind a closed door as Phil waits outside, listening for anything out of the ordinary. And he feels his heart hurting. He’s sure tomorrow will be a better day for Dan, and he’d do everything in his power to make it so. Leaning his head on the door, he feels his throat tighten again. He’s got a small headache in his temple and his lip starts to quiver. 

He does love him, doesn’t he? That’s why it hurts so bad. Seeing Dan like this is bound to hurt regardless, but Phil feels what he’s missing - the love he’s got buried somewhere deep down. He feels the proportions of what’s missing, what he craves out of this relationship with Dan. 

And it feels downright evil. So wrong to think of his best friend in this way when he’s acutely aware that Dan’s not all here right now. It feels manipulative and gross, even if Phil would never try and do anything about how he felt, especially at a time like this.

When Dan’s well - energetic and charismatic and flamboyant and just so very _Dan_ \- Phil still feels this way. He doesn’t feel the pain of seeing Dan down like this, of course, but all the other emotions are there. The yearning and that spontaneous, pesky urge to take a goddamn risk because that’s how strongly he feels for this man. He doesn’t need his head to tell him how he feels because his heart’s already screaming to chase the love that he’s done such a terrible job of burying. He can’t push it underground, and he knows this, but the fear of fucking it all up gets the better of him. He may not have buried it, but it’s not like he’s not trying to hide it. __

_ _Phil hears Dan head over to the door and frantically wipes the tears off his face - tears he didn’t realise were there until now. The brunette cracks the door open, big brown eyes meeting Phil’s. _ _

_ _“I’m gonna go to bed now,” Dan says, attempting a smile. _ _

_ _Phil nods. “Good, get lots of rest. If you need anything at all, just let me know.”_ _

_ _“I will. Thank you, Phil. For everything.” Dan says, eyes portraying the same sincerity as his words. _ _

_ _“Anytime, Dan.”_ _

_ _“Nite, Phil.”_ _

_ _“Goodnight, Dan.”_ _

_ _The brunette closes his bedroom door slowly, the click of the latch hardly audible. Or maybe it’s the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears. Phil readies himself for bed, then slips under the sheets, heart a bit heavier than before. And he lets himself cry. Cry at the impossibility of his predicament; cry for Daniel. He keeps it quiet, though, as not to disturb his best friend who’s hopefully dozing by now. His cheeks are salt-stained and his pillow is damp, but he feels somewhat better. Though only for now._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another fic that I wrote on a whim, and thankfully it turned out well enough to post. I tried my best to portray depression in a respectful and realistic way, and I also think I did a pretty good job at that. I'd never want to romanticise mental health issues, which is why I put in that part about Phil feeling evil about thinking of Dan when he's feeling like this. But yeah I hope you enjoyed it! Maybe some more light-hearted content soon? I honestly don't know, but I do intend on extending the Pining-Verse.


End file.
